One of the recurring things I have to confess is the way in which I lose my patience with my children. I immediately feel terrible when it happens, but there are times that it comes so quickly and the words shoot out of my mouth before I have even formed a thought. 2 seconds before it happens I have no idea it is about to happen. I cannot seem to control the reaction. This always coincides with lack of sleep. The less I sleep the more likely I am to snap. And I am always immediately regretful.
The problem, actually, is not just snapping at them or saying things that are less than loving and kind. Though its wrong to talk to them like that, what I think is worse is the anger in my heart. I just get so angry, and it flares up in a millisecond with a force that is so overwhelming that it bursts forth in words and tone.
I sort of think that if you have to confess the same thing regularly, then something is not right. How can I keep making the same mistakes over and over? I always resolve to never do it again. And then I do.
However, I console myself with the fact that each time it happens and I confess it, it takes longer and longer for me to fall into the same sin again. Maybe eventually with the help of the Lord I will master it completely. In the meantime, I am grateful for the Sacrament of Confession. Through it I am renewed, washed clean, and given bright hopes for the future.
As a side note, when I went through RCIA my sponsor and pretty much the entire class taught that we did not really need to go to Confession, or shall I say "Reconciliation". They showed us a video once of how to confess, and it was a face to face confession that took the form of a conversation. "Hey, Father, how are ya? Did you see the game yesterday?" None of this, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." In my opinion, this brings focus and attention to the priest as a person instead of In Persona Christi and creates a light hearted social interaction that should have no place in the confessional. The sinner comes with weight on his or her soul, to be absolved and to come closer to God - not to shoot the breeze with the priest. The interaction should reflect the seriousness of the situation. But that is just my opinion, and I know that I am not in the majority.
My RCIA sponsor never, ever would go to Confession. The last time he "confessed" was in a communal absolution of sins where you put your sins on a paper that went into a basket and they all got burned or something hippie like that. Then the priest gave communal absolution for those sins.
I think calling it Reconciliation diminishes the seriousness of the sins we commit. While I am at it, let me say I am also not a fan of the face to face Confessions. I am already nervous about it every time (yes, even though I go frequently!) so when I have to do it face to face I feel even more nervous. Give me a screened confessional booth any day.
